LC > KC, Speidi > no Speidi, Laguna Beach > The Hills. The rest is still unwritten.
Please stay dead.
Plenty of cancelled television programs deserve another chance to attract viewers four and a half years after going off the air. And then there’s The Mole.
Go tell it to…
As if they haven’t been through enough, being held hostage in a bank by two robbers while mysterious things happened, now we’re sending The Nine to Permanent Hiatus. What can we say? We like to see people suffer.
This show surprised everyone with its stellar first season. Great ratings, an awesome soundtrack, and fun and fresh dialogue helped make the young stars of the show — and, perhaps more importantly, the tradition of Chrismukkah — household names and instant pop-culture icons. From Death Cab for Cutie to Peter Gallagher’s eyebrows, everything this show touched turned to gold. And then Season Two rolled around, and it all got old. Even the adorable Seth Cohen became annoying. The welcome death of Marissa and a strong fourth season wasn’t enough to undo the damage, and the sun set on The O.C.
This U.S. remake of Ricky Gervais’ brilliant sitcom successfully charted its own course, which, depending on the season (or episode), was alternately transcendent and infuriating. It ran out of steam and originality long before Steve Carell departed, but then went out with a nearly perfect finale that proved Pam Beasley right, for a change: “There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point?”
If there ever was a case of the mighty falling, it was this show. When it was rocking, stee made sure to give credit where credit was due as Ozzy fell out of chairs, Kelly and Jack fought as only siblings could, and Sharon loved her doggies. By the time Stee abandoned it, Pamie was left recapping Jack’s dildo collection. Sad but true. Watching this show was like watching a loved one hang on to his last days because he knows you’re in the room. We walked away, and let this show die with dignity and peace. The Osbourne family, however, will continue to whore their hearts out in any medium. (Buy the book!)
We thought TWoP users would dig a show about the supernatural and freaky. We thought wrong. (Either that, or y’all get your fill of “supernatural and freaky” at the hands of the Buffy wardrobe department.) But you can still read up on the first eight episodes right here. Spookay!
Lou Diamond Phillips’s waxed pecs worked very hard, Scott Bairstow and Max Wasilewski were very sexy, and young people thoughtfully got naked, but it turns out nothing can save a show that is, was, and always will be Very, Very Bad. One of its top dogs (one of many who came and went) called it “The Sopranos, but with wolves.” He will never, ever live that down. Relive the five glorious episodes of Wolf Lake, complete with lupine politics, nature footage, glowing eyes, and awful dialogue; youâ€™ll understand why CBS and TWoP cancelled the shit out of it.
Unfortunately, the failure of this ABC horror series wasn’t the death knell of the found-footage craze, but it’s failure may at least make TV networks think twice before attempting to cash in.
There was a time when Darren Star could do no wrong. He was riding high with Sex in the City and had a critically-acclaimed freshman sitcom, Grosse Pointe… and then disaster struck: he somehow convinced Fox to give him $2.3 million per episode for a new hour-long set in a young, hip New York City investment bank. Problem? Well, he was so busy finding ways to make the show lurid and pretty, he didn’t notice that his casting people had quietly assembled the most unlikable and unbankable ensemble since Down Periscope. In fact, seven episodes was a shockingly long run, considering.
Perhaps never has quality been so great while witnessed by so few. We’re glad we were with the minority.
For those of you under twenty years of age: O-Town’s Ashley Parker Angel got his own show about how he’s all down and out now and is trying to make it solo in the music business. For those of you over thirty years of age: it would be like if Jon Knight of New Kids on the Block got his own show about how he’s all down and out now and is trying to make it solo in the music business. For those of you between the ages of twenty and thirty: trust us, you wouldn’t have cared either.
Was it a show about paramedics? Firefighters? Cops? The intricacies of the relationships between these working groups? Yes and no. This show, from ER‘s John Wells, went from a New York-based action show to a character-driven drama riddled with implausibilities. And you know what? Only one of the characters was even that interesting. While the show had a creative infusion early in the second season, its boredom level rose soon after, dooming it, on Television Without Pity, to a life of Permanent Hiatus. You can still read Nicole’s and Omar’s recaps, though.
Bailey’s ex-girlfriend had the shortest Time of Her Life in all of fourteen episodes. Be glad you weren’t there to see Keckler’s liver swell with each new show as Sarah twitched, squealed, stripped and sang. Aren’t those the signs of the Apocalypse? Smell ya in the unemployment line, Hepwitt!